Publication
by thecurlyone
Summary: Once again, our heroes fail at role play.


Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Warning: Spoilers for _Pride and prejudice _and _Jane Eyre._

A/n: A late Christmas present for Quffian_luvr

Summary: Once again, our heroes fail at role play.

* * *

This game-because it was a game now, everything they did together turned into a game eventually- had a few simple rules (rules of course were necessary).

They took turns in choosing which literary masterpiece to re-enact.

Whoever picked it got to choose the costumes, characters and the scenes.

The other one had to do it.

Needless to say, they both took advantage of these rules.

Today was the Doctor's turn. Since he had decided that he and the Master should get married but hadn't yet told the Master, he thought that he might use this to subtly bring up the subject without arousing any suspicions. Just to test the waters so to speak.

Fortunately, the Master was so appalled at the idea of once again having to wear the dress that he did not cotton on to the Doctor's real plan.

He couldn't say no to it though pride was at stake.

So here they were in some ridiculous cottage, the Doctor with a ruffled shirt, ridiculous hat clutched in his hands telling him with a ridiculous look on his face how ardently he admired him.

Still the Master felt better when he has to shout at the Doctor, insult him, his morals, his family, his tailor, his hair. He may have gone a little overboard but he felt quite happy afterwards.

This was an even vaster production than the ill-fated Harry Potter one. Not that it required any technology, but the Doctor was determined to be faithful to this one. This meant a lot of scenes, costume changes and other characters. The other characters idea was dropped pretty quickly when the Master not-so-innocently suggested that Jack would make an ideal Mr. Wickham.

They still had to do more scenes though.

*****

The wet shirt scene was also a problem. The Master argued that though Mr. Darcy may have looked good enough to ravish, the Doctor unfortunately looked more like a "soggy moggy" that had inadvertently been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Furthermore since the Doctor had become such a stickler for following the actual narrative instead of just spouting off a few quotes and then shagging (in costume), they couldn't use that scene anyway since it was part of the BBC adaption and not the original, _unless_ of course the Doctor wanted to throw all the rules out the window.

The Doctor, finding it hard to argue against these points because they were true and decided to consult the expert.

*****

Contrary to popular belief and all historical sources, Jane Austen, did not in fact die at the age of 41 in Hampshire. Instead, she lived to 120 in a summerhouse made of coral on Betelgeuse 3, where she continued to write novels of romance, love and marriage free from the social constraints of 18th centaury England.

Shortly after he had left Gallifrey but before he had formulated any plans to take over the universe. The Master had spent time showing Jane Austen the wonders of the universe. How they met the Doctor never knew all the Master would say on the subject was that she was a demon with a hatpin.

Still they had travelled and seen wonders and then Jane had fallen in love with Hy'njds'j, a hotel manager on Betelgeuse 3. Since he was a blue humanoid with tentacles instead of arms and she could write anywhere in the universe but he couldn't manage his hotel just anywhere, they decided to settle down on Betelgeuse 3. A quick trip with the Master back to the earth to say good bye to her family, tie up some loose ends and fake her death and then they were all set.

She became one of the publishing company Ursa Minor's most popular authors and her latest book, _Helicon 6_, a tale of courtly love between a space pirate and a semi-vampire King of a cannibal tribe on the outskirts of the universe, was the number one best seller in the Betelgeuse system and a number of neighbouring galaxies.

The most irritating thing in her life now is the long running feud with Mark Twain, who lived three doors down. How he arrived on Betelgeuse 3 remains something of a mystery.

Jane, a lively woman in her late 60's when they arrive, greets them at the door and pulls the Master into a hug, after a moment's hesitation he puts his arms up around her.

"Darling, how are you?" and she kisses him on the cheek.

"Magnificent as ever," he smirks back and then makes a careless gesture at the Doctor behind him, "this is the Doctor."

She arches an eyebrow and gives the Master a sly look, "Is it now? Well come in Doctor, I've always wanted to meet you."

They follow her through the house, to her patio at the back that overlooks a shining silver ocean.

"Business or pleasure?" she asks as she places a pot of earl grey between them, along with three teacups.

The Doctor, who previously had been bouncing along with excitement at meeting her, stills and blushes furiously.

The Master chuckles and drawls "pleasure. We are playing a game that's _based_ on one of your earth books and we wanted some advice regarding a scene that wasn't in the original."

"A game, huh?" and then she grins widely, "Oh! You worked things out!" and jumps up to hug the Master again and then the Doctor. She pulls back and points one highly manicured finger at the Doctor, "If you hurt him, I will write countless books about you and everyone in the universe will know what a complete bastard you are. Got it?"

"Me!? Hurt him? I-"

"Got it?" she says sharply.

The Doctor swallows hard, "Umm...yeah...got it, definitely. No hurting, not hurting at all-"

The Master cuts him off, "Doctor, you're babbling."

"Oh right, right, sorry about that."

"Stop it."

Jane laughs, "I like him, he's adorable. So are you staying long? Hy'njds'j will be back from work and he'd love to see you Master."

*****

They spend the rest of the day with Jane and in the end between them; they come to the decision that using the wet-shirt scene is not allowed by the rules of the game.

The next day finds them strolling down a muddy road in the English countryside. It is drizzling slightly and once again the Master is wearing a dress and a _bonnet_ and he is not happy. The Doctor is prattling on beside him, and the Master isn't paying him the slightest bit of attention when the Master realises what the Doctor's really after.

_Well_, thinks the Master, _if he wants a marriage._

*****

The Doctor isn't the slightest bit suspicious when the Master chooses _Jane Eyre_ for their next re-enactment.

"Brilliant!" he exclaims and bounces off towards the wardrobe room.

The Master's revenge requires him to wear the dress once again, but he doesn't mind so much this time.

Once the Doctor has dressed as Mr Rochester, the Master suggests that he starts looking for a manor house that they could destroy.

"Why?" the Doctor asks sounding suspiciously like he just realised that he has walked into a trap.

The Master grins and claps his hands together, "Why Doctor, we need to burn the place down. It has to be authentic after all, you will have to be crushed under a beam and lose an eye and hand of course, and then I'll nurse you back to health!"

The look on the Doctor's face shows the Master just how enthusiastic he is about this plan. He begins to back away from him.

"Umm...y'know I've been thinking Master, maybe we should take a break from this, try something else, y'know? For a sex game, we're having very little sex after all"

Then he scarpers out of the control room, the Master's laughter following him down the corridor as he pulls off Mr. Rochester's outfit.


End file.
